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Betrayal at Sucre


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#1 Grimaldus

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Posted 03 February 2012 - 06:18 PM

Prologue



The forest was dark and dense, trees so thick that they prevented moonlight from reaching the scorched and battered ground. As rain fell and washed the blood into the soil, the smell permeates the air. In the middle of the field lay a Space Marine. The Space Marine raised his head from the ground in order to analyze the littered battlefield. Before him lay the bodies of guardsmen, all torn to pieces and burned with limbs scattered everywhere. How did a simple recon patrol turn to a full bore bloody battle? Out of a dozen men only four remain. The Space Marine didn’t expect this kind of tactical ambush, especially from the hated Orks, their waaaagh scream always preceded a battle.

The Space Marine looked around for his two brothers in the torn apart field. As his senses came back he spotted them taking cover behind a boulder. The Space Marine rose from the ground with a bolter in one hand and chainsword revving in the other, those looking upon him would have believed a Godly warrior had descended to their side. One of the guardsmen watched as he picked himself up and felt safer, then a feeling of zeal filled him. He rushed through the battlefield without thinking, as he charged he placed where they had been shot at from, he readied his lasgun bayonet in front getting ready to kill. The only thing that met him was a bullet to his forehead.


The Space Marine rushed across the field to meet his brothers. He knew the only way to survive the battle was to stand with his Battle-Brothers.

“Grimaldus” said one of the space marine. “You still draw breath brother”
“There still much in me brother” said Grimaldus, “what it’s the enemy position?”
“I can’t get a fix, the shadows cover their position, but the shots are coming from there” said the space marine pointing the trees in front of them.
“Then it will be better to draw them to the light brother, lest fall back and give cover fire to the guardsmen” said Grimaldus. The three space marine rush to a fallen tree behind them and as soon they reach the tree, Grimaldus start opening fire to where the enemy should be

“Guardsmen” yell Grimaldus, “fall back, we will give you cover fire”

One of the guardsmen was taken by panic and fear and without waiting for the protection of the Space Marines' covering fire ran out of the scant cover he was in to the middle of the field in the direction of the Space Marines' cover. He was gunned down as he ran. His comrades watched him as he was shot. They didn’t know what to do. Run or stay where they were. Then training kicked in.

The Emperor protects,” one of them muttered and he start running in the Space Marines general direction with his eyes closed. He opened his eyes as he managed to reach the trees behind the Space Marines, but he was shot in the back. He died, reaching his hand out to Grimaldus. In his final moment he touched the Space Marines’ cold gauntleted hand. The Emperors’ Holy Angels of Death, the last thought that ran through his mind.

The last guardsmen watched as his final brother-in-arms died. He was the only one that remained from his squad; he was use to seeing fellow guardsmen die in battle but never his entire squad wiped out. Anger and despair filled his being and he left the safety of the rock protecting him. Screaming and firing upon the shadows, trying to kill the thing or things that killed the last of his friends and family. Rage and determination were, unfortunately not enough. Just like his friends he died without seeing the muzzle flash.

Grimaldus was taken by sadness, he couldn’t save the guardsmen, but the sadness was replaced by rage.
“COME OUT AND FIGHT ORK” yell Grimaldus into the empty forest
Out of the murky shadows a figure can into view, though he could only see an outline. In shock Grimaldus immediately recognized the outline.
“Traitors” he said in a low voice, his brothers were still behind the tree and did not hear him
“TRAITORS” he said in a higher voice, his brothers hear him this time. Suddenly Grimaldus felt a blow in the back of his neck and everything went dark, he felt to the ground like a giant old tree.


The chaos marine approaches the space marines standing next to Grimaldus body
“Brothers” said the Chaos marine. The space marines did not speak, they only nod their head in response to the chaos marine
“Who is this that lies at my feet?” said the chaos marine
“He is a slave of the Corse-Emperor” said one of the space marine
“He caught us by surprise, he wasn’t suppose to come with us” said the other space marine
“It’s everything ready them?” ask the chaos marine with a subtle tone
“it is Lord Othrim” said the space marine

NOTE: sorry for any spelling horrors :P

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#2 Yapay38

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Posted 03 February 2012 - 07:16 PM

Lol Night Lords in your story?? A little trouble reading because of grammar but that's alright. If you want for someone to Beta read your pieces before posting just ask. Basically means clean it up.

#3 Grimaldus

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Posted 03 February 2012 - 07:20 PM

i will accept any help :P

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#4 Yapay38

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Posted 03 February 2012 - 07:27 PM

Sure just PM them to me and I'll beta for you.

#5 Armoured Priest

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Posted 03 February 2012 - 07:47 PM

Dude this is awesome. (we'er apart of your story?! nice!)

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#6 Grimaldus

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Posted 03 February 2012 - 07:55 PM

Dude this is awesome. (we'er apart of your story?! nice!)


because i dont want to spoil, no comment :P

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#7 Armoured Priest

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Posted 03 February 2012 - 08:55 PM

Aarrrrgh.:P

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#8 Darkanis

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Posted 04 February 2012 - 02:42 AM

Very nice man(don't worry about the mistakes you anit getting paid lol). Cant wait to read more.

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#9 Paladin Xenos

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Posted 04 February 2012 - 03:35 AM

Grimaldus i love you! (no homo)
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#10 Grimaldus

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Posted 04 February 2012 - 03:56 AM

Grimaldus i love you! (no homo)


so full homo to crucias and no homo to me, thats a little weird (crucias you better be careful :P)

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#11 Paladin Xenos

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Posted 04 February 2012 - 03:57 AM

Watch the vid in the random video thread ;) he better watch out then ;)
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#12 Grimaldus

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Posted 04 February 2012 - 04:14 AM

UPDATE: the prologue has been updated, thanks yapay for the help :D
so please read the prologue again (only if you want :P) so credits are: Grimaldus for the idea and yapay for the help at writing and rewriting :D

coming soon: chapter 1, im already writing chapter 2

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#13 Paladin Xenos

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Posted 04 February 2012 - 04:17 AM

its a great story Grimaldus, keep it up!
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#14 TheGodDernMan

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Posted 04 February 2012 - 04:26 AM

Lol Night Lords in your story?? A little trouble reading because of grammar but that's alright. If you want as for someone to Beta read your pieces before posting. Basically means clean it up.

Beta read your post before posting yapay lol

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#15 Yapay38

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Posted 04 February 2012 - 04:33 AM


Lol Night Lords in your story?? A little trouble reading because of grammar but that's alright. If you want as for someone to Beta read your pieces before posting. Basically means clean it up.

Beta read your post before posting yapay lol


Better?

#16 TheGodDernMan

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Posted 04 February 2012 - 04:49 AM

If you want as for someone to Beta read your pieces before posting.


Does that need to be "ASK"? so as:

If you want, ask for someone to beta read your pieces before posting.
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#17 J NOSK36

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Posted 04 February 2012 - 04:51 AM

The night lords are in this! nice grimaldus
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#18 Yapay38

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Posted 04 February 2012 - 04:59 AM

If you want as for someone to Beta read your pieces before posting.


Does that need to be "ASK"? so as:

If you want, ask for someone to beta read your pieces before posting.


.....I went back and changed it..... Didn't you go look? That's why I said "Better?"


#19 Gerhart

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Posted 04 February 2012 - 07:57 PM

Awesome job Grimaldus! I know the two traitors that didnt help you ;) , fucking awesome!

looking forward to more, want this moved to the story area?

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#20 Grimaldus

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Posted 04 February 2012 - 08:17 PM

Awesome job Grimaldus! I know the two traitors that didnt help you ;) , fucking awesome!

looking forward to more, want this moved to the story area?


i was thinking of keeping it here, to make use of the black library forum :)

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