65 replies to this topic

[DTdante2787]

Given me some heads up and they would have had HD quality steady film with a trained operator behind the controls instead of the blair witch project goes airborne.

XD...I love how you phrased that bro

I have worked in food service for 5 years, so I have a few gems that will hopefully live up to Biohazard's 10 finger story.

I used to work in a cafe in an office building. We served lawyers of all people...dumbest people I have ever encountered yet. Anyway, this guy, in the middle of lunch rush, asks me what is on a Chicken Bacon Ranch wrap. Understand, I am dealing with several customers at once, so I was not really in a very good mood. However, I pretty much stopped, looked incredulously at him, then said slowly and firmly "Chicken. Bacon. and Ranch dressing."

I got written up for "being rude to a customer," but it was totally worth it. I now have a new job where I don't have to directly deal with customers

[Keiya]

BRAND NEW! ALERT!

"How can I help yo-"

"What the fuck is a 'power button'?"

"Erm..."

"Is it the button I push to turn this thing on?"

"Yup."

"FUCK. I knew that. Bye."

[NightWolf889]

BRAND NEW! ALERT!

"How can I help yo-"

"What the fuck is a 'power button'?"

"Erm..."

"Is it the button I push to turn this thing on?"

"Yup."

"FUCK. I knew that. Bye."

I totally read the voice in a growling, rage induced voice.

[Armoured Priest]

I heard an Angry Marine on that one.

[Grimaldus]

me too

[JC 042]

Here is somthing that happened in shool, it wasnt stupid, but really fucking clever

Some petrol company called BP had came to school to teach students about oil prices, following demand and supply, like say a new oil deposit was discovered so prices are cheaper, I wont go into the details so here's what happened.

When we had some large activity with over 100 people split into 20 teams, nearly ALL of the groups named there teams stuff like "Green Peace killers", "Louisiana beaches", and The Gulf of Mexico". The LOOK on the faces of those working for BP was PRICELESS!!!!

[Keiya]

Here is somthing that happened in shool, it wasnt stupid, but really fucking clever

Some petrol company called BP had came to school to teach students about oil prices, following demand and supply, like say a new oil deposit was discovered so prices are cheaper, I wont go into the details so here's what happened.

When we had some large activity with over 100 people split into 20 teams, nearly ALL of the groups named there teams stuff like "Green Peace killers", "Louisiana beaches", and The Gulf of Mexico". The LOOK on the faces of those working for BP was PRICELESS!!!!

1 : You misspelled 'School'. Irony.

2 : Absolutely priceless. I want to come hug everyone at your school.

[JC 042]

Fortunately there was roughly at least one smart person in each group who realised our opportunity, I tried to persuade my team to be somthing similar (can't remember) but failed at that.

And Kieya, you can always rely on dyslexia, typos, and spell checker will always be there to bite you in the ass throughout your life

[Biohazard16]

Comments from dumbass students:
"Sir, how can Christmas be linked to Christianity? Santas too fat to be Christian."

"I thought Winston Churchill wasnt real?"

"How the hell can the world be millions of years old?"
"Well the fossils of dinosaurs are proof of it."
"I thought they were Jurassic Park tributes?"

I think I'll throw this one in for my Astronomy professor from a few years back. As far as dumb students go, this one takes the cake for me. Mind you, this is a college class..

"If the stars are so far away, how do we know their names?"

Because our telescopes can see the little signs sticking off of them, duh!! Moron

[Keiya]

ROFL.

Thanks, dick. There's water all over my work monitor.

[JC 042]

"If the stars are so far away, how do we know their names?"

Because our telescopes can see the little signs sticking off of them, duh!! Moron

I would of said their name is highlighted when you zoom in on them like in videogames .

[CruciasNZ]

"If the stars are so far away, how do we know their names?"

Because our telescopes can see the little signs sticking off of them, duh!! Moron

Hahaahahaha!

[Keiya]

I now have that printed out and posted on my office wall.

[Keiya]

"Hey, listen.. We're closing the store for a few days. How do I turn off the Server?"
"Well, you can either perform the shutdown sequence, or press the power button."
"Oh, the power button will work? It'll turn it off?"
"Yes Sir."
"Will the power button turn it back on?"
"Yes Sir."
"Are you sure? Hold on, let me try it."
"...Sir, I'm absolutely positive."
" Just sit with me while I try. -Turns off-."
"-waiting-"
"Oh wow, you were right. It turned off."
"Anything else I can do?"
"Wait, I want to make sure I can turn it back on. You said press the power button?"
"Yes..."
"Is that the same one? I don't see another..."
".....Erm...it's the same one."

This went on for 45 minutes.

[NightWolf889]

That one sounds exactly like my grandmother with her PC...I swear she is afraid of hitting the power button for fear it'll never come back on. First year she got it I found out she hadn't shut it down for 5 months.

[Keiya]

We have some people who don't reboot until a power outage takes their shop out. x.x; Ugh.

[Talos Valcoran]

Your job sounds exciting .

[Mister Snugles]

Yeah no matter how i beg my grandma to turn of her flipping computer she claims that it is supposed to be left on so that it can update, ha and she wonders why it has so many viruses, also why would you ever need a heater when you can just leave your PC on 24/7 i swear it raises the room temp by like 15 degrees.

[Iron K]

Stupid people are about to conquer the world... I don't know how, but they're doing it...
Here's one of my stories:

Out to buy flowers for GF after our first fight.. Enters a flower shop:

Me: "Hello, I would like to buy some flowers."
Shopkeeper: " Well, what would you like?"
M: "A dozen red roses please."
S: "Okay then. So what kind of flowers would you like?"
M: "....roses?"
S: "Right, so what kind of roses would you like?"
M: " "
S: " "
M: "...red..."
S: "And you wanted ten of those?"
M: "A dozen is usually twelve....."
S: "Oh..."

I almoast facepalmed myself to death...

You would think that a dozen red roses is a standard order in a flower shop. Even if it's not, how could you screw up all three steps of an order?

[Talon Lord Othrim]

Just goes yo show they never listened to the original order.

I work part time at a ghost train and repeatedly have this conversation these are not one offs

Punter: what's this?

Me: turns to indicate the multiple signs that say 'ghost train' on boards and big bloody writing on the building. "it's a ghost train"

Punter: is it a train?

Me: yes a ghost train

Punter: so you don't walk around it then

Me: no you sit on a train which goes around a track
Indicates promotional video being played on a large scream behind me.
Image shows people running out the building screaming

Punter: you said you sat on a train?! They are running and walking about!

Me: we'll how else are you actually Going to get on it? You need to walk to the train to get on it and from the train to get out.

Punter: oh I'm not going on if you have to walk about in the dark your sure it's a train.

(mentally ; no sir / madam I look like a zombie train conductor stood out side a building with a big red ghost train sign on side of building lit up and ya know I've never been inside to see if there really is an actuall bloody train in there!!!)