65 replies to this topic

[Keiya]

I am a software technician - so I get to talk to all sorts of retards on a daily basis. Some are tolerable. Others... well... we'll let the below few speak for themselves. I will be updating this thread daily as this never ends.

1 :

"Hi there. I'm having an issue with my mouse."
"Okay, what's the problem?"
"Well, it's not working."
"Alright. Well if you move it, does the cursor move at all?"
"Nope."
"So did you recently replace it? Is it an old mouse?"
"I just bought it."
"Alrighty. It is USB or...?"
"It's USB."
"Did you make sure to plug it in firmly?"
"It's not out of the box yet."
"........Okay... remove it from the box...and plug it up."
"That's all?"
"That's all....have a nice day."

2 :

" Hello - I'm having issues with my monitor turning on."
" Alright, so if you press the power button, what happens?"
" Well -BeepBeepBeep- It just beeps."
" ...Uh.. beeps? What's the model number of that monitor?"
" It says... Dell....2-3-3-0-d"
" ...Ma'am, that's a printer."
" Huh?"
" Paper comes out of that. -.- That's not a monitor."

3 :

" HELP ME!"
"...Ma'am?"
"My shop! It's haunted!"
"..Uh..."
" Every two weeks, an order prints out. And it's always the same thing! It's to a Mr.McGillicutty - to his graveside! It's always roses! I can't take it anymore!"
"..Every two weeks?"
" Yes!"
" Okay.. ma'-"
" I think he's haunting my shop and trying to send a message to his wife. I've already called his wife and told her, now she's in tears. We're going with a pastor tomorrow to try to settle him at his grave. This is just all so scary."
" Ma'am....first of all.. why are you calling us for a Ghost?"
" I don't know! I don't knooooow~"
" Secondly.. it's not a ghost."
" What? How do you know?!"
" That's called a standing order. You set it up last year to be delivered to Mr.Mcgillicutty's graveside per his wifes' request. It's a feature in the system to allow the order to be created automatically to avoid you guys forgetting to do it."
"................"
"........Yup."
" Oh my God, that poor woman... Thank you. THANK YOU! "


More to come - All true stories.

[Opeth Of Epica]

Wow...........

'Nuff said.

[Armoured Priest]

My faith in humanity has been utterly destroyed by just these three conversations.

Althought I am laughing like hell!

[MetalHead666X]

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OK im done.

[Talos Valcoran]

That's funny. but now i'm disappointed in these people.

[xxxblackspider]

... This has made my day

[Apulo]

I used to work in software tech support for Symantec. Back in those days their flagship product was a database called Q&A which shipped on 10 5.25" floppy disks for installation.

A woman called me to tell me that her product was defective because disk 3 would not fit into the disk drive. I asked her if it was warped or showed any other signs of damage but she insisted that it was perfectly fine but with disk 1 and 2 in the drive, disk 3 just wouldn't fit.

[NightWolf889]

That's hilarious XD

I've got a buddy who is in charge of repairing school loaned laptops at the University here, and oohhhhh boy he can tell some stories like that...

I think my favorite was when they hired a new woman to head the laptop cleaning services, and she decided it would be a good idea to use a vacuum instead of air. Nozzle generated static...Suddenly there was an influx of fried motherboards he was having to repair. I was lucky enough to be there for that rant when he found out and confronted her, and I've never heard a more beautiful chewing out in my life.

[Fuzzy]

Least you can never your jobs boring

[Apulo]

PROTIP: You can wash your keyboard in the dishwasher as long as you use the air-dry cycle and let it dry completely before plugging it back in to your computer.

[NightWolf889]

PROTIP: You can wash your keyboard in the dishwasher as long as you use the air-dry cycle and let it dry completely before plugging it back in to your computer.

Apulo! I just put my laptop in my dishwasher hoping to clean the gunk from the keys and now it won't work!

D=

*sarcasm intended*

[Corman2030]

People=dumb!

[Keiya]

I used to work in software tech support for Symantec. Back in those days their flagship product was a database called Q&A which shipped on 10 5.25" floppy disks for installation.

A woman called me to tell me that her product was defective because disk 3 would not fit into the disk drive. I asked her if it was warped or showed any other signs of damage but she insisted that it was perfectly fine but with disk 1 and 2 in the drive, disk 3 just wouldn't fit.

Hah! Our machines don't ship with Floppy Drives (Thank God).

I HAVE had a client call in to explain that the- well..here.

" Sir, I need a technician to come out."
" What seems to be the problem, sir?"
" My Automatic Coffee Pot Holder has broken."
" Erm...Excuse me? You realize we support your Point of Sale, correct?"
" Yes. This is part of my server..."
" Sir, our machines don't ha-.....you mean the tray that comes out when you press the button?"
" Yes, that. the automatic coffee pot holder."
"....That's a CD ROM drive tray... that's not used for your coffee...."
" Oh.. well that's what >I< use it for. Can you fix it?"
" I believe setting a scorching hot coffee pot on it for several months until it breaks voids your warranty..."
" You're all pieces of shit and only care about yourselves! -click-"

[Fallen Angels95]

All I can say is........wow...ppl are thick. And I laugh at ppl getting stuck in revolving doors man this is epic it made my day. Thnx

[Grimaldus]

i just going to say one thing.......thanks

[palin2004]

Reading these makes me laugh and wonder how these people survived to adulthood. These seem to be the same people that think drinking glue or licking paint isn't bad for children.

[Brother Adikuss]

You can't be serious.

[JC 042]

Comments from dumbass students:
"Sir, how can Christmas be linked to Christianity? Santas too fat to be Christian."

"I thought Winston Churchill wasnt real?"

"How the hell can the world be millions of years old?"
"Well the fossils of dinosaurs are proof of it."
"I thought they were Jurassic Park tributes?"

[Talos Valcoran]

Sometimes I wonder how people like these made it out of high school.

[Keiya]

Oh, they're not just people : They're business owners. Think about THAT.