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#1 dx144

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Posted 30 June 2015 - 11:01 PM

Got some funny jokes share them! I don't care if they're offensive or not, if they make me laugh I don't give a fuck =)

A large group of Isis fighters in Iraq are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune: "One British Royal Marine is better than ten Isis fighters". The Isis commander quickly orders 10 of best men over the dune where a gun battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence.

 

The voice once again calls out: "One Royal Marine is better than one hundred Isis 'S.O.B.'s'". Furious, the Isis commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.

 

The voice calls out again: "One Royal Marine is better than a thousand Isis fighters." The enraged Isis commander musters 1,000 fighters and sends them to the other side of the dune. Rifle fire, machine guns, grenades, rockets and cannon fire ring out as a terrible battle is fought..... then silence.

 

Eventually, one badly wounded Isis fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander,
"Don't send any more men ... it's a trap. There's two of the bastards."


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#2 Authrix

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Posted 01 July 2015 - 03:34 PM

League Joke. Yorick walks into a bar. There is no counter.


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#3 ebonybrotherhood

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Posted 01 July 2015 - 04:58 PM

Dota joke. A league fan and a DOTA fan get in a argument. the DOTA fan says 'League is horrible'. The league fan is unable to deny.

(League is a fine game, but I love this stupid joke)


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#4 CruciasNZ

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Posted 01 July 2015 - 07:25 PM

So yeah, just remember DX's disclaimer doesn't override the forum rules. Now with that note out the way, onwards to PC uncorrect land.

 

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#5 dx144

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Posted 01 July 2015 - 09:27 PM

How dare you! I always should override the rules!


"You fiend, have I never encountered such corrupt and foul-minded perversity! Have you ever considered a career in the Church?" - The Baby-Eating Bishop of Bath and Wells


#6 Authrix

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Posted 01 July 2015 - 09:43 PM

I like wearing tutus and dancing with the fairies!

Good to know :P

 

Not a joke so much, but I find this funny.
"Thor's Hammer is a misinterpretation of his true weapon: a Colt Navy single action revolver.

The reason Mjolnir was said to strike so fast and be ready in hand for the next blow was that it was actually a firearm. This also explains the thunder that accompanied Thor in battle."


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#7 dx144

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Posted 02 July 2015 - 12:17 AM

Well that is just common knowledge that tutus are comfortable and fairies are very energetic who can actually keep up with me. =D


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#8 CruciasNZ

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Posted 02 July 2015 - 03:00 AM

Well that is just common knowledge that tutus are comfortable and fairies are very energetic who can actually keep up with me. =D

Don't forget to mention that your tutu is pink and sparkly, all the better to match your makeup


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#9 Fuzzy

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Posted 02 July 2015 - 06:53 AM

Here's a pretty good one that I can't take the credit for, this was told to me by Iron K so as such any feeling of sickness should be blamed on him as should any warning points due to this possibly being too much for this sites PG-13 guidelines.

A guy goes to a whorehouse and tells the madam he only wants to spend 5 bucks. The madam thinks for a bit, then says, “Betsy. She’s down the hall, last door on the left.”

The guy walks down, sees Betsy — she’s not the best looking, but she would do. He puts it in and it’s the worst feeling he’s ever had on his dick — like sandpaper and teeth. He pulls out and tells her. “Um. something’s wrong, can you do something about that?” Betsy crinkles her face, then says, “Why of course! But it will run you another five bucks.” She pockets the fiver and goes to the bathroom and is back in no time.

The guy puts it back in and now, it’s the complete opposite: it’s the best feeling he’s ever had, and finishes in a flash. Panting, he asks her, “oh my god… that felt amazing… what did you do??” Betsy smiles, and says, “for the extra five bucks, I pick the scabs.”
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I don't think Farther's For Justice will allow you in the protest where you will be running around on a really high roof while pissed off your face


#10 dx144

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Posted 02 July 2015 - 11:22 AM

Don't forget to mention that your tutu is pink and sparkly, all the better to match your makeup

Oh yeah, do need to get some more makeup though, running low on the stuff...

 

And that joke was disgusting, sickening and fucking hilarious! =D


Edited by dx144, 02 July 2015 - 11:22 AM.

"You fiend, have I never encountered such corrupt and foul-minded perversity! Have you ever considered a career in the Church?" - The Baby-Eating Bishop of Bath and Wells


#11 Authrix

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Posted 02 July 2015 - 01:19 PM

That's fine Fuzzy, didn't want to keep my lunch down anyway...

 

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#12 CruciasNZ

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Posted 02 July 2015 - 07:21 PM

That was disturbing, especially since I read it over breakfast - ruining my chocolate bar is almost an instant ban fuzzball :P


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#13 Fuzzy

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Posted 02 July 2015 - 09:03 PM

That was disturbing, especially since I read it over breakfast - ruining my chocolate bar is almost an instant ban fuzzball :P

Wouldn't be the first time I've been close to that mate ;)

I don't think Farther's For Justice will allow you in the protest where you will be running around on a really high roof while pissed off your face


#14 CruciasNZ

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Posted 02 July 2015 - 10:22 PM

Wouldn't be the first time I've been close to that mate ;)

Nor will it be the last :D


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