chuck norris
#1
Postad 26 november 2012 - 11:41
Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic
Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.
Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afriad to move.
Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.
There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.
Once the cop pulled over Chuck Norris....the cop was lucky to leave with a warning.
Chuck Norris won American Idol using only sign language
Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards
Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.
Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter
Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it
Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake........ After three days of pain and agony ..................the rattle snake died
If you run from Chuck Norris you only die tired
Superman can fly but Chuck Norris can teleport
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris.
The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris once had to face reality...reality lost.
Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry.
NASA beams episodes of Walker, Texas Ranger to outer space as a warning for Aliens of what will happen if they invade Earth.
Chuck Norris wears sun glasses to protect the sun from his eyes.
Chuck Norris had 21 in blackjack, he asked for another card... and won
Chuck Norris once roudhoused kicked Hulk in the face. Now he hides in the forest and changed his name to Shrek
Chuck Norris can draw a perfect circle with a ruler
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret
When Chuck Norris was born, the doctor naturally slapped him on the behind. Fortunately for the doctor, he was in a hospital at the time.
Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he stands on the porch and dares it to grow
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
Chuck Norris had a staring contest with a picture. And Won.
Chuck Norris does not fart, nothing escapes Chuck Norris
formidonis per obscurum
give them nothing, but take from them everything
#2
Postad 26 november 2012 - 03:12
#3
Postad 26 november 2012 - 06:03
We've done these MANY times before
JC: 99% Anime, 1% hot gas
#4
Postad 26 november 2012 - 06:06
Either way: Aliens die.
#5
Postad 26 november 2012 - 06:11
"I scar my armor so that you may know, for I am a Templar of Blood."
#6
Postad 26 november 2012 - 06:16
Cars were invented to run away from Chuck Norris, so Chuck Norris invented car crashes.
The earth used to have no gravity, people used this to fly to out of space to get away from Chuck Norris, so Chuck Norris stopped them by inventing physics.
Chuck Norris can't fly, he simply jumps and chooses when to come down.
America was going to send Chuck Norris to Japan during WW2, then they decided the atomic bomb was more humane.
Chuck Norris took a holiday from ruling the earth, we refer to this as 'the dark ages'.
JC: 99% Anime, 1% hot gas
#7
Postad 26 november 2012 - 07:09
#8
Postad 26 november 2012 - 07:16
Scientists are finding new creatures more often but not due of evolution, it's because of Chuck Norris kicking them so hard that their bodies change!
Lightning doesn't struck twice, Chuck Norris does
Chuck Norris can tow a building... with a string... with him in it.
Chuck Norris is the reason the Easter Bunny hides his eggs
Chuck once round house kicked Superman. The poor guy still believes he can actually fly.
Chuck Norris can fluenly speak braile.
A light saber is just Chuck Norris' flashlight
Chuck Norris is the only weapon allowed through airport security
Michael Jordan is the greatest basketball player of all-time because Chuck Norris never played
Chuck Norris remembers the future.
Chuck Norris knows that Big Bird tastes like chicken.
Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle
Chuck Norris once made a guy bleed to death using only a rubber duck.
Chuck Norris was once insulted on February 30th. He was so angry he both got rid of the man, and then told the calendar to forget it ever happened.
Chuck Norris told a deaf man to shut up, and he did.
Chuck Norris runs out of the house during a lightning storm. When asked he said " I dare it to strike me"
Two Giratina are better than one.
Thanks to Astral Shadow of Serebii for the Signiture
#9
Postad 26 november 2012 - 08:39
#10
Postad 26 november 2012 - 10:30
Either way: Aliens die.
#11
Postad 26 november 2012 - 10:35
I genuinely just made that up.
JC: 99% Anime, 1% hot gas
#13
Postad 27 november 2012 - 08:14
Two Giratina are better than one.
Thanks to Astral Shadow of Serebii for the Signiture
#14
Postad 27 november 2012 - 11:23
When calculating the scatter for where a model will land after recieving a Chuck Norris Kick, roll the scatter die and 2D6. The model scatters in that direction that number of miles.
The reason the Tyranids came to the milky way was not to devour it, but because they were running from chuck norris.
The most ancient of Eldar texts tell of a star-born being of immense power, that being lives in fear of Chuck Norris
Khaine wasnt shattered by the struggle between the chaos gods, he got roundhouse kicked to the face by Chuck Norris - there is only one god of war (Khorne is still on the run)
Gork and Mork are Chucks left and right fist.
Caliban's disintegration had nothing to do with the Lion or Luther. Chuck Norris farted.
Chuck Norris once rebounded a Nova Canon shot back to the capital ship with his beard. The crew was lucky, death saved them from the revenge of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is only one thing that you can retreat from when you're in the IG without getting shot by a Commissar..... the Commissars are too busy running away themselves.
Tyranid Raveners are known for being able to dig through solid ground, rockcrete, and plasteel. This ability to burrow through anything is an adaptation specially developed to hide from Chuck Norris.
The chaos gods are Chuck Norris' less violent thoughts
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Malal so hard hes not in the game anymore.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Alpharius is hiding.
One more thing of awesome for you. Go to www.google.com and make sure you are logged out so instant search is disabled. Then type "finding chuck norris" and hit "im feeling lucky"
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#15
Postad 27 november 2012 - 03:28
Either way: Aliens die.
#16
Postad 27 november 2012 - 04:01
When Chuck norris throws a Knife the Knife dosent hurt the person. The air does.
Chuck calls 911 just to see if he can help.
Chuck can make rainbows. By spiting Skittles.
Chuck Norris can Smell underwater.
Chuck Norris doesn't commit suicide, suicide commits Norriside.
If Chuck Norris were a toy, it would be the end of the world, referring to the fact of there being more than one Chuck Norris in this world.
PlayStation network was never hacked. Chuck Norris just decided to play one day
.....and on the 8th day GOD created Chuck Norris
The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron’s ass halfway through the first chapter.
Chuck Norris can kill a vampire by showing him a picture of the sun.
Everyone knows Chuck Norris' pet rock... he named it "Earth."
May 6th, 1945: A then five-year old Chuck Norris swam the Atlantic Ocean. The next day, the Nazis surrendered...
Chuck Norris can play guitar on drums
In sign language, a roundhouse kick to the face is how you say the name "Chuck Norris."
The only time Chuck Norris made a mistake was when he thought he could be wrong
As a child, when asked by a teacher, "What would you like to be when you grow up"? Chuck Norris answered, "Myself".
In Soviet Russia Chuck Norris still kicks your ass.
If Zeus wanted to win the Clash of the Titans he would have released the Chuck Norris
Curiosity didn't kill the cat Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked curiosity in the face, and the cat got in the way.
Did that thing on google but cant remember my password for my youtube! GODAMNIT
Two Giratina are better than one.
Thanks to Astral Shadow of Serebii for the Signiture
#17
Postad 27 november 2012 - 06:29
Go to www.google.com and make sure you are logged out so instant search is disabled. Then type "finding chuck norris" and hit "im feeling lucky"
This was so awesome that I actually got a small heart attack...
The only time Chuck Norris made a mistake was when he thought he could be wrong
A paradox of Epic Proportions!
#18
Postad 27 november 2012 - 08:15
JC: 99% Anime, 1% hot gas
#19
Postad 27 november 2012 - 08:38
Radical Edward.
#20
Postad 27 november 2012 - 08:43
JC: 99% Anime, 1% hot gas