29 replies to this topic

[Angry Comedian]

It was a quite day more quite then others and the mighty crimson fists had set off on missions of great importance to beat the living shit out of anyone that opposed the emporer and as such they landed on a desolate planet that was rumored to contain an ancient weapon, a weapon of such power and destruction that it had almost destroyed the legions of chaos and their gods but the weapon was rumored to be a myth, some say it was an insane fairytale made out to be true by a weiry space traveler. However this weapon managed to disapear, not being chronicled in the histroy of past wars against the heretics the factions of human and xeno alike lost any trace of this mystreious weapon and was never mentioned again.

Until one day, a tech priest under the command of the ordo malleus dove into the library of the imperiums past texts and by accident came across old forgotten notes of this ancient weapon in action, slaying thousands of heretics and deamons all at once. Intrigued by the possible capabilities of this machine the inqusition ordered an immediate search of this weapon and to secure it's location until it can be safely returned to an imperial forge world and studied to determine its awesome abilites.

As for the search party to be honored with this great task it was at first given to the imperial navy and two battalions of cadian shock troops who after three months of searching found the supposed planet that he weapon was last recorded being on, but communications with all ground forces were lost three days after they had landed and set up a tactical base camp before continuing their search of the planet and the mystical heretic killing super weapon.

The inquisition met realized it would take more then just guardsmen to capture this device and kill whoever was trying to keep them from obtaining it so they did the first thing tat came to their minds " SEND IN THE MARINES" but which chapter would they choose, would it be the black templars NO, what about the space wolves or the ultra marines or even the dark angels and imperial fists would be more then capable of completing the mission, but after much deliberated arguing they finally met with an equal solution "UNLEASH THE CRIMOSN FISTS".

As if to have super sonic hearing or some crazy shit they prepared for their next mission even without receiving word from the inquistorial duche bags in person, the crimson fists bolted from their company chambers leaving the dozens of super hot chicks that they totally scored with behind caring only about the mission and its importance they "super-manned" into the chapters docked battle barge " The Demolisher of Heretic Faces " and without even giving a shit about clearance to depart the chapter commader 'Artimus Gerhart' turned to to his chaplain "Enrique Sammel iglesias" and his hard headed crew of ass kicking, ork hating, disco loving Badass's and said" are you ready for this shit" sammel merely lit a cigarette blew out a large cloud of smoke and replied "was your mom ready" Commander gerhart smiled , put the barge's thruster into overdrive and sent the battle barge screaming into the distance of space leaving the orbiting space brothel "sisterus bootious and its "sexually exhausted" female staff behind in their rear veiw mirror.... To be continued ?????

[destroyerOFwill]

EPIC!

More, must have MORE

[Angry Comedian]

As the barge of crimson fists rocketed through space they prepared themselves for whatever chaos scum may await them on the planets surface, they armed their bolters,heavy bolters, stalker bolters and even had a few nail gun bolters that were generously given to them by the angry marines for acts of absolute "bad assery" in the faces of the retardedly *CENSORED* enemies of mankind, as sammel passed the the marines bestowing upon them the words of the emporer and leaving them with words of wisdom and motivation. To send them into battle with so much pride and courage that would give any nearby grey knights a raging "battle boner" would be cosidered as overkill to any other chaplain, but not to sammel for he was a chaplain that not only took his job seriously but believed that the sections of the qalaxy that weren't in the control of the emporer deserved to be given the "Tony Danza" and thus realizing who the boss really is.

The mission required know how, tactical genius and the firepower capable of completing the mission. but alot of the chapter was new and and thus only a handful of the chapters finest could be brought along to resecure the planet and find out what happened to the cadian soldiers,the battle barge was drawing ever closer to the planet and and in keeping with running a well oiled space marine chapter commander gerhart went down the line looking over his marines making sure that each one of them was as ready for battle as he was, he stopped mid way through the formaton turning ever quickly like an energized commisar on warp dust, CHAMPION DODGE he yelled "are you ready to make yourself ready to do whatever the hell it is that you do best, for the battle is nearly upon us and we shall show these fagats no quarter" dodge could only reply by saying "FUCK YEAH I AM" thus gerhart smiled turning away from his prized champion, then returned to looking over the rest of the troops.

Starting off with the ever vigilante brother white- veteran sergeant of the 3rd company throat punchers, then followed by librarian grimaldus the keeper of lore and the collector of phone numbers from hot chicks they met along their journey,veteran brother emp who who latley has been a bit fruity of late, chaplain aries- preacher of pain and the words F*#K YOU,brother fire bane, standard bearer comedian probably one of the sexiest amongst the third company a man of action and seduction of sisters of battle everywhere, always knowing the proper places to pick up hot chicks and get those sweet microsoft points

Brother hudson captain of the 4th company Fagat smashers, chaplain will keeper of rage and skittles, champion death "the marksmen" being the only one to shoot the dick off a tyranid at over a thousand yards, librarian dante aka " the page master", brother sergeant andredus ,brother gunshy,brother seraphim,bloodbone the master of the blaster,initiates mortis and angron.

veteran brother corman the current captain of the 2nd company rump roasters which included brother watch, jeff, paladin,fire and a handful of new recruits including initiates simon, jester,minion and wolf who had previously proved themselves after a battle against an ork mek driver while still being drunk from the previous party after defeating the likes of a word bearer berserker horde with only their fists and harsh language.

Then theres Chaplain sammel keeper of the word and the "shagtastic" 7th company the rest of the company would have shown up for the formation but they pasted out in the loo from drinking too much so only sammel will be going from the 7th he can handle excesive drinking cause his blood is half alcohol anyway.

These brave souls will be going to face an enemy of unknown strength, origin and will be most likely very hostile but their job is simple land ,kick ass, find the weapon and hold it at all costs until the main recovery fleet arrives, as commander gerhart stands in front of these brave men and a manly tear is released from his eye, readys himself and this epic battle that will take place and he knows that the shit is about to hit the fan.... To be continued

[destroyerOFwill]

Sweetness. and i do like skittles.. lol

[Armoured Priest]

Dude, I love these stories, Keep it up man!

[Grimaldus]

The collector of phone numbers want, NO! NEED MORE!!!!

[Brother White]

Was your mom ready. Was the best line in the whole story so far. This is awesome.

[DTdante2787]

lol...page master...that sounds about right

[Sammael]

This is awesome. It's all true too.

[Angry Comedian]

The Demolisher of heretic faces drew closer to the planet and with each passing minute the crimson fists aboard grew ever eager to bring the rightful judgment of dorn upon the enemies of their emporer finally after much used up patience they commander gerhart ordered the that the battle barge directly of the the location of the guuardsmen's base camp and as the barge came to a halt he had sammel assemble the men and prepare for an orbital drop onto the planet.The chosen marines of the 2nd, 3rd,4th and sammel from the 7th company rushed for the drop pods stummbling over eachother, eager to land and kick the ass of the closest think that looked like it was hostile.

Drop pods launching from the battle barge, still in orbit over the planet sending forth a crimson rain of death and pure balls onto the planet surface hutrling through the planets atmosphere, the drop pods one by one slam into the ground and upon impact the crimson fists are thrown from their smouldering can of whoop ass already with bolters armed chainswords revving eradicly with anticapation and as the final drop pod lands commander gerhart followed by chaplain sammel and captain hudson look upon the desolate waste's of the planet , he rallies his captains to retrieve their brothers and make sure that no one was late for the battle.

[Grimaldus]

the enemy will fear the coming sound of adamantuim balls

[Angry Comedian]

After a brief moment of checking equipment and gathering a head count The inglourious bastards of dorn set forth to search the guardsmens base for any clues or possible survivors, which didnt mean squat cause..well....their guardsmen so nobody cares. As they advanced they found the base in shambles, the ground covered in a blanket of dead guardsmen and as the fists continued farther into the base they found even more guardsmen,ripped to pieces either by blade or from explosives of some kind and from the looks of the battle they were taken by surprise which turned into an epic slaughter.
Finally they reached the make shift headquarters building and inside the found the remains of the commanders and their officers scattered about the room , the walls decorated with their blood and organs and in an attempt to hold oof the intruders barricaded the door with their dead counterparts.
"what kind of sick twised bronie loving freaks would do this sort of thing" yelled gerhart with a sickly amount of discust and anger. "search the rest of the area look for any possible survivors or equipment that we can salvage from this hell hole". "Brother dante search these documents see if you can find the coordinates for this damn weapon,everyone else cordon the area and make sure we arent greeted by any unwanted vistors, "hese fucknuggets will pay".

[MetalHead666X]

FUCKKNUGGGETTTTTTSSSsss

[Corman2030]

champion death "the marksmen" being the only one to shoot the dick off a tyranid at over a thousand yards!

This IS the Boss!

[DTdante2787]

"what kind of sick twised bronie loving freaks would do this sort of thing"

ROFLMAO...too awesome for words my friend

This thread will gain Crucias' approval soon enough methinks

[destroyerOFwill]

SWEETNESS!

[Angry Comedian]

sorry bout the lack of story telling lately, i haven't been really inspired with story ideas but hopefully i can think of something as the finisher this week .

[Mister Snugles]

lets kill some Xenos!!!

[Angry Comedian]

The day was drawing to a close and even after securing the drop zone an confirming the suspicions of what happened to the guard unit stationed here the fists grew ever cautious about there next move and what dark figures may be lurking in the shadows waiting to strike again, but this time the enemy would know a brutal ass whooping and would retreat with a massive butt hurt greater then the galaxy has ever known.

"chaplain sammel" have we found any evidence of who may have been responsible for this ghastly attack asked commander Gerhart. Chaplain sammel replied " this looks like the work of those slaaneshi loving hermaphrodites of the emporers children , i think they may have done even more to the corpses after the slaughter " how so Gerhart replied sammel removing a fresh cigarette from his pack of "imperial pride" litting it and taking a deep breathe,exhaling as if to relieve the stress of answering the question " by defiling their holy passage he said with a most disgusted tone.

The whole group shocked with disgust over this distasteful amount of heresy that took place then turned to immediate rage, THOSE TENTACLE WAVING NECRO FREAKS WILL PAY FOR THEIR DISGUSTING HABBITS,Gerhart proclaimed in the most reasonably understandable of ways cause I mean, that shit is nazty and as he stormed off Dante stormed into the room with most haste. "commander I found the location of the mystery weapon" !!!! Good ,let us seize this weapon before the putrid fucks do and as the crimson fists set of to claim their prize they leave the destroyed camp site ablaze, burning the aftermath of the ass massacre behind them and continuing onward to ever lasting glory and battle. To be continued...

[JC 042]

Ha, this thread is epic