90 replies to this topic

[JC 042]

Spoiler

During his monthly visit to the corner barbershop, this fellow asked his barber for any suggestions on how to treat his increasing baldness. After a brief pause, the barber leaned over and confided that the best thing he'd come across was, er, female juices. "But you're balder than I am," protested the customer. "True," admitted the barber, "but you've gotta admit I've got one hell of a mustache!"

One golfer tells another: "Hey, guess what! I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!" the other replies, "GREAT trade!"

[RDSFirebane]

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were taking a walk one fine March day.

One remarked to the other, "Windy, ain't it?"

"No," the second man replied, "It's Thursday."

And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a coke."

[RDSFirebane]

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[RDSFirebane]

For the brits among us.

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[RDSFirebane]

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[Armoured Priest]

Ahahahahahaha!
I think our tech supports on the site will like this one.

[RDSFirebane]

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[MetalHead666X]

DAMN IT. HAN SHOT FIRST

[RDSFirebane]

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[JC 042]

That guys car us so getting trashed

[RDSFirebane]

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And this is why there will never be a Gothic Wars Hot-air balloon event.

[JC 042]

Wait what? I dont get it?

[RDSFirebane]

whoops the text wasn't part of the picture it turns out lol

[RDSFirebane]

Do not press this link.

[ogreninja]

Spoiler

A platoon of guardsmen were holding a valuable objective against a massive WAAAGH, and were successfully cutting down each wave of greenskins that came at them. After about 10 waves however, the guardsmen began running out of ammo. One of the sergents ran up to his Commissar and pleaded for him to sound the retreat. "We're all out of ammo sir, we can't hold the line anymore they'll overrun us for sure!"
"Nonsense, you don't even need ammo to kill orks!"
The Guardsman looked confused at this statement. "When the next wave of orks comes over the hill, point your weapons at them, and shout BANG as loud as you can, and the xenos filth will fall over dead!" The Commissar then ordered him back into his ranks and to spread the word. The sergent, certain he and his men would soon die, did as his commissar ordered.
When the next wave of orks came over the hill, he pointed his empty lasgun at the horde and shouted "BANG!" To his amazement, an ork fell over, seemingly dead. He thought perhaps someone had shot it with a spare round, so he pointed his gun yet again and shouted "BANG!" Another ork dropped dead, and the sergent saw a glimmer of hope. He and his men "shot" the rest of the orks dead, shouting "BANG" all up and down the line.
They were all shocked that it had actually worked! The next wave of orks came over, and this time the guardsmen were so excited that they began having a little fun with it. They'd pick up rocks, throwing them and shouting "BANG", and scores of orks would drop. Some even simply ran up to the orks with no weapon and shouted "BANG", killing the xenos instantly. They smiled and jeered the simple greenskins at how easy it was to kill them.
The third wave came over, and as they bore down on the guardsmen, the imperial platoon began shouting "BANG" as they had before. This time none of the orks dropped however. They thought maybe they hadn't been loud enough, so they shouted again, but still none of the orks died. The guardsmen began to panic and screamed bang repeatedly and frantically, but to no avail. The ork horde reached the guardsmen and cut them all down with their choppas. As the sergent fell, the life bleeding from him, he faintly heard the ork passing him chanting "I'm a tank, I'm a tank, I'm a tank."

[Armoured Priest]

Buttons!

ogre: I died at the last part. "I'm a tank.":D

[SpecSlaughter22]

lol has anyone found the white button?

[RDSFirebane]

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[RDSFirebane]

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[Iron K]

Okay, this thread has saved my day more than once, so I guess I'll try to contribute.

Spoiler

An old man lies dying in the hospital, and begs to see his wife. His wife comes to his side, and he gives her a small key.

- I must confess to you, my darling wife. Here is the key for the locked drawer in my desk. Please hurry home an open it, and then return with what you find there.

The wife hurrys home, and opens the drawer. Inside she finds two golf balls, and 10.000 dollars. She is of course confused by this, and hurry back to her dying husband in the hospital.

- I dont understand what you mean with these?
- I will explain.. Every time I've cheated on you, I have put down one golf ball in the drawer...
- What?!

The wife is of course devastated by this news and stormed out of the room, but after a short while she calms herself, and return to her dying husbands side.

- I cant say that I like the thought that you have cheated on me.. But if it only were two occations during our 50 years together, I really cant blame you. But what about the money?
- You didnt let me finnish.. Every time I cheated I put one golf ball in the drawer. And when I had collected ten, I sold them...

Needless to say, the husband didnt have time to die of whatever he was dying of. The wife got him first...

I have a whole lot more of bad jokes, just unsure how many is "clean" enough to tell here...